Thursday, October 23, 2014

8 Years

8 years of

missing you.

not truly accepting that you are gone.

losing my mind to my anxiety. 

trying to get over it. 

having a hard time understanding.

being scared of things I cannot control.

lots of ups and downs.

looking for reason.

feeling lost.

I know people lose the ones they love every single day. It hurts and it sucks. I've spent the last 8 years trying to pretend nothing is wrong. Since October 26, 2006 I've tried to hide truth. I started getting bad anxiety once Danny left for Iraq the first time. Since then I've always been afraid of things that are out of my control and still to this day I am. I thought this is just stupid and it will pass. I can control it. I'm officially exhausted, Worry has taken over my life. I always think the worst in every situation and always trying to prepare for it. It's never ending. It's not a great way to live and I feel like it's not a healthy way to live for my boys, all three of them. I panic over every little thing. So soon I will seek help for it. I've decided its a serious issue and even if I think it's stupid it's real. I will be happy again, I need to be positive for my family. Daddy I miss you, and soon I will finally mourn our loss and celebrate your life. I love you. You are my HERO! 

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