Missing the Army

I was born into a military family and then married my best friend who became a soldier. The Army way of life is all I know, and when my husband decided to get out I was sacred but happy at the same time. The best thing about his decision for me was not having to worry about deployments anymore. Already doing two one year deployments, and losing my dad in Iraq I was very happy about not having to worry about that anymore. That's all I was happy about and any struggle in the civilian world is worth not losing another loved one overseas, and having him home.

 I miss everything else. I miss the smell, my husband would remind me of my dad coming home from the motor pool, I just always called it the army smell, and I miss it. The uniform, loved seeing my man in uniform. The health care, guess in a way I was spoiled my entire life always having health care and free medicine. I don't have any health care right now and it's a very scary uneasy feeling, totally sucks. I miss the sounds of the soldiers marching and doing cadence. Miss the sound of the guys being in the field and hearing all the artillery rounds. I miss the people, it was so easy to make friends we always had so much in common. I have amazing friends because of the Army. Those are just a few things I miss. 

I do want to say that I'm very proud of my husband for serving. I love you!

It's okay

It’s OKAY 

That I’m not perfect 

That I cry when I’m upset.

 That most days I don’t want to cook dinner, but do anyways 

That I want to sleep in longer and to be totally jealous of my 3 year old who sleeps in

 That I LOVE my sweets

 That I am super organized in my head but can’t seem to get past that

 That I look forward to bedtime most days because I’m exhausted

 That I feel horrible about being so tired, and not spending more one on one time with my husband 

To share things about it works all the time, why not share something you believe in

 That I have no idea where we will be a year from now

 To go to therapy

 To stress about health care I no longer have

 To miss my dogs

 That my son had goldfish for breakfast

  To start watching a show on Netflix just to feel like I have a say on what we watch and it not be cartoons all day 

That my apartment is messy more days then it is clean 

To wish I had never traded my car for the truck

 To still be nursing Mason because he’s my last baby and I don’t want him to grow up yet 

That I signed up for a 5k that I may end up walking because I suck at running 

To wish I could get advice from my dad 

To pray every day for my mom’s health, and be scared to death to lose her 

To be happy about talking with old friends again, really missed it 

To blog whenever I want just to get things off my chest

War with my 3 year old

        My 3 year old has won the war of food. I guess I'm weak.  I lasted less then a week. I finally gave up because I turned into a mean monster. I found myself yelling at him from pure frustration. I broke down and cried and felt like the worst mother ever. Aiden would either cry the whole time at the table, fall asleep at the table, or just plain out ignore me all together. Did not help my mood having Mason throwing pasta all over the place and being very loud. I made mac and cheese (one of Aiden's favorites). This time however without his knowledge I made whole wheat mac and cheese, I was nervous when I put on his plate since it was just a little darker in color but not by much. Aiden instantly noticed and would not touch it. That was it, I blew and he got in trouble and I felt so bad after being so upset. I felt stupid being upset over mac and cheese. That's when I decided I will just keep making the green smoothies, and other sneaky things I've done in the past so he can get some veggies, and hope one day he will come around. I'm just not strong enough for this fight.

 

Mommy: 0, Aiden: 1

Close Quarters

At the beginning of the year we will be headed to San Antonio. This month we decided to move out of our 3 bedroom rented home into a one bedroom apartment.  Moving out earlier will save us a little money to help with travel down to San Antonio and less stress dealing with packers and cleaning the house. This one bedroom is fully furnished and is tiny. I keep telling myself its only a month. Going from a house to an apartment is such a difference.  The walls are so thin. Our first night I heard ESPN clear as day from the neighbor and a few nights later while lying in bed I was trying to figure out which episode of Family Guy they were watching.  Again its only a month. As a family we spend a lot of time together but now we can't escape each other. This weekend we got snow and lots of ice making it stupid to travel in town. Cabin fever sets in much faster when we are in such close quarters. Its only a month. Okay I'm done complaining.  Our new lives begin so soon and I'm excited for the hard part to be over and be settled in.

Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope everyone has a beautiful day and enjoys their family and friends.  I'm thankful for a lot this year.  I have two amazing boys and an Awesome husband. I'm thankful for my boys because they make me a better person. On days I'm stressed my babies give me a smile or giggle and my worries melt away for that beautiful moment.  Thankful that my husband sticks around and loves me and all that comes with loving me, including my over worried mind. I thankful for my family, when I need them they are there no questions asked. I'm thankful for my friends, the ons that truly care for me and love me with no judgement. I'm thankful for God who is still there even though Ive lost myself and want to bring him back into my life and let my boys know and understand him.

Going crazy.

I am such a mess and in a funk. The past week I've set goals and none of them have been reached,glad I didn't tell anybody about these goals  because that would have been pretty embarrassing. For example mopping my floors or getting my laundry done or just keeping my house decent. I can't even stick to a diet.

      Yesterday I had to go to Walmart to get some oil and I could care less of how much of a mess I looked. I had banana split up on my pants dog hair sticking since they were black, I had baby food carrots on my back from Masons messy hands. I just got a new haircut but you couldn't tell because I did nothing with it. I truly felt like a mom who had nothing together and going crazy.

I had a doctors appointment on Friday and I was so excited to go to get an hour to myself is that sad?

Every night when I go to bed I'm thinking that the next day I will get up and get my house spotless and I will have makeup on and my hair done and Aiden will actually be wearing clothes since he likes to be naked and Mason will have on a onesie with no baby food on it. I will have dinner pulled out and cooked by dinner time. I also think that today will be the last day I have sugary foods or the last day I will eat chips for a snack but sure enough I baked brownies last night and had a bowl of barbecue chips. I think that I will have my boys in bed at a decent time or actually have a routine that I'm able to stick with. I'm losing my own battle here.

I really need to get my stuff together. Such a random blog post but I needed to vent about myself.

Charts and Awards

 

 

 

Aiden has been pretty helpful, so we decided to give him a chore chart so he can feel good about completing  something. Once we had had the chart up for a while I realized we should have some sort of rewards system for him.

 

 

 

 

 

Printed and laminated the prizes he could choose from, these are just a few and still thinking of more.

 

1. Put money in his bird bank.

2. Bring his I Pad to bed.

3.Stay up 20 minutes past bed time.

4. Piece of candy.

5.Go to the park.

6. Movie date.

7.Ice Cream date.

8. New Toy.

 

Any ideas you have for a 3 year old??

 

 

 

Our craft of the week was a hand wreath with his favorite things listed. I am ready to do some Halloween crafts with Aiden.

 

 

Aiden has allergies and has to take medicine everyday and was just given another type of medicine he also has to take daily. This list is more for me and Danny so we don't give him the same one more than once a day. I thought it would be fun for Aiden, so we just made it for him to look at and check off. It's a morning and bedtime routine checklist and has been very helpful.

 

This weekend felt short, it rained all day on Saturday which sucked since it was the post wide yard sale and we had a permit to sell in it. $20 down the drain. Sunday however was beautiful out and a little chilly. So excited that fall is slowly making it's approach.

 

My boys are growing so fast, trying to take it all in.